People (including me) these days talk about connectedness a lot, it was almost an exaggeration. Iklan sebuah mobile phone company yang sempat menjadi mobile phone hits di jamannya aja taglinenya “… Connecting People”. Lalu mobile phone sejuta ummat itu pun connecting people from one place to another. Now mobile phone is getting smarter and smarter and I don’t know how much smarter it can ever be, I wonder if the person who created the smartest version of a mobile phone is actually smarter or the mobile phone itself is smarter than him/her because the inventor knew how bad it is to be dumb. Cut the story short, connecting people virtually becomes easier by day.
Trus gimana dengan connecting people directly? Saya ngerasa, these days yang namanya face to face conversation jadi hal precious, at least buat saya. So I do enjoy talking to people as much as I enjoy listening to them. I enjoy when people come to my cubicle and asked me if I have time to listen. The more I listen, the more I learn to understand. Not only other people that talked to me though, I do talk to myself quite a lot. Hence I listen to myself too therefore listening is what I do personally and professionally.
Being the first female in a Padang family means you kinda have this unwritten obligation as the person who make sure the older generations – para jendral, are connected to the younger generations, para kopral dan saya adalah komandan para kopral. I connect these two generations and generally speaking these groups of family members from different generation listen to me. Acara keluarga terutama lamaran atau pernikahan jadi ajang kumpul, hence connecting. Masalahnya, I don’t typically enjoy being in engagement parties nor weddings for somewhat obvious reasons dan sampai sekarang saya masih belajar untuk mengesampingkan perasaan saya for a greater good.
While connecting with people becomes something I begin to be good at (because the real Gita is not good at it at all), I sometimes need to disconnect with people. And that sometimes is now. Why? It is the emotional turmoil that a family member’s engagement party brought that made me feel a tank full of guns and grenades just landed on me.
Apakah ini pertama kali saya disconnect diri saya dengan the rest of the world? Nope, this is not the first time. Dan apa saja bentuk disconnection yang pernah saya lakukan? Macam-macam. Mulai dari gak bisa dihubungi sampe ngambil job di luar negeri hanya karena saya butuh untuk disconnect myself with the life I had in order for me to decide the kind of life I really want. This time, I disconnected by sending everyone in my house away so I can be all alone. What did I do? I weep and weep and weep until I feel that heavy feeling was lifted.
Did crying help, one once asked me. Crying didn’t help change the situation, but it helped me gain my strengths to dissociate. Saya ngebayangin kalo tiap tetes air mata itu bagaikan sekilo beban berat yang saya rasain dan saat air mata itu menetes beban itu pun pelan-pelan hilang. Berhubung beban yang saya rasain itu seberat tank full of guns and grenades, I wept for hours and after weeping for about two hours, beban itu pun hilang. Sayangnya masalah baru pun muncul. Bagaimana caranya ngilangin mata bengkak dalam waktu singkat supaya saat saya datang ke pertunangan sepupu saya penampilan tetap paripurna versi saya?
Jawabannya adalah sendok dan lesson learnednya adalah, sedia sendok dingin sebelum nangis karena meskipun hati sedih penampilan gak boleh menyedihkan. Buat apa tuh sendok? Ya buat ngompres mata lah.